threehundred'sixtyseven.

I kinda miss the bond we shared. I mean, who wouldn't miss that comfortable feeling with a person. Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything and not have a problem with the silence in the middle. Can't forget all the ridiculous stuff we did. Stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real talks, the "remember whens" I remember it all. And it's funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon. I really can't get it to my head that you grow distant from people and that good things come to an end sooner or later. But along the way I learned one thing about life; it goes on, you just gotta pick yourself up and learn to keep up.

threehundred'sixtysix.

We both had feelings for each other, but at different times. And i think that's what hurts the most. Knowing you actually had a chance, and now it's too late.

threehundred'sixtyfive.

“The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes. But don’t be afraid. And don’t forget… You hold the mightiest weapon of all.”

threehundred'sixtyfour.

Now they say I'm wasting my time
Cause you're never coming home
But they used to say the world was flat but how wrong was that now..

-The Script

threehundred'sixtythree.

Don't ever enter a relationship because your other half completes you, you should enter it because they compliment you.

threehundred'sixtytwo.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm.
As you get older, remember you have another hand.
The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.
-- Audrey Hepburn --

threehundred'sixtyone.

Some people think crying shows weakness. Some people choose to hold tears back. Some people believe crying is useless. Well, I believe crying is healthy. There will come a day, or maybe even a week, when everything seems to go wrong. You’ve been disappointed. You realize you’re not good enough. You can’t get what you want. & then, no one seems to understand. But you know what. Just cry. It doesn’t mean crying everyday but just sit yourself down & cry. Think about what’s been killing you. What’s been festering inside. Let every single negative thing out. & after you cry, never think about it again. Crying doesn’t mean you’re breaking down but it’s signs of strength. Don’t ignore your feelings, instead embrace them. Walk away stronger. Stand taller. & never let those things bring you down ever again.

threehundred'sixty.

it’s sad when you think you know someone
for such a long time and then all of the sudden
you have no idea who this person is that is
staring right in your face.

threehundred'fiftynine.

The longer you wait for something,
the more you appreciate when you finally get it.

threehundred'fiftyeight.

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they chasing the wrong things. They way you get meaning to your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning
- Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

threehundred'fiftyseven.

even though I complain about life and society I still think it’s beautiful

threehundred'fiftysix.

Everyone has that person that they go back to. Each time, they swear it’s different, and they're done for good. But they aren't. They wish they were, but the thing is, they can’t be. Because that person they keep going back to, they can’t be completely happy without them.

threehundred'fiftyfive.

I'm the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I'm the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I'm the girl who wouldn't make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I'm the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant. I'm the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of. I'm the girl who would give the world to see you smile.

threehundred'fiftyfour.

Darling, I would hate to ruin this because we both know that it's almost flawless. But those beautiful nights don't last forever & a beautiful world will never exist.

threehundred'fiftythree.

He said, "take my hand; live while you can. Don't you see your dreams
are right in the palm of your hand?"

threehundred'fiftytwo.

She was the quiet, observant type.
She never said much with her mouth,
but when she did it was worth listening to.

threehundred'fiftyone.

I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself, so, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.

threehundred'fifty.

I know I shouldn't, but a part of me is waiting for you to call and say, "I'm sorry, I miss you. Can we go back to how we used to be?"

threehundred'fortynine.

One of the saddest part of life is keeping yourself busy and pushing yourself to the limit all day. And when you get home, lying in bed, you'll discover that after all you've done to forget. You are still in that very same position that you're trying to escape.

    

threehundred'thirtyeight.

i guess i never let you go because in the back of my mind somewhere I never lost the hope that we would get our second chance.

threehundred'thirtyseven.

The strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.

threehundred'thirtysix.

Missing you isn't the problem, it's wondering if you'll ever come back that's killing me.

threehundred'thirtyfive.

He had proven to me, without a doubt, that he didn't need me. & if it was the last thing I ever did, I was going to prove to him, without a doubt, that I didn't need him either.

threehundred'thirtyfour.

The hardest part is waking up in the morning remembering what you were trying to forget last night.

threehundred'thirtythree.

I want to get drunk, completely wasted. Not for the fun of it or to be "cool" but just to forget all the bullshit going on in my life right now. I want to sit on a sandy beach and watch the waves just crash, like my life. And when I finally get wasted i want to call you and tell you all the shit i've been wanting to tell you for days now. Things weren’t supposed to be like this.

threehundred'thirtytwo.

Bad things are always going to happen in life. People will hurt you. But you can’t use that as an excuse to fail or to hurt someone back. You’ll only hurt yourself.

threehundred'thirtyone.

When you see me now, I hope you're sorry and I hope you regret how you hurt me. I hope you see me with someone else and wish it was you. I hope you regret all you've done and wish you could take it all back.

threehundred'thirty.

You owe me a thousand explanations but you'll never take the time to explain a thing to me.

threehundred'twentynine.

good character is more to be praise than outstanding talent.
most talents are, to an extent, a gift. good character, by contrast,
is not given to us. we have to build it, piece by piece - by thought,
choice, courage and determination.

threehundred'twentyeight.

if i had it my way, i'd slit your throat with the knife you left in my back

threehundred'twentyseven.

People assume that if you're alone, you must be lonely.

threehundred'twentysix.

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

threehundred'twentyfive.

You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance. And there is nothing worse in the world then thinking you have a chance, when you really don't.
-Grey's Anatomy

threehundred'twentyfour.

And when he sees her, he holds his breath and walks by without breathing. And when he walks by, he stares determinedly in the other direction, in order not to look at her because if he does, he'll stare forever.

threehundred'twentythree.

Instead of adding to the drama like everyone else, she decided to be different and not burden the rest of the population with her problems. She knows that in this world, she's going to have to save herself.

threehundred'twentytwo.

Alice: I simply must get through!
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Alice: You mean impossible?
Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible.
-Alice in Wonderland

threehundred'twentyone.

My smile can cover up what's inside. Though my heart is drowning, I can still laugh. Even if my soul starts breaking down, I can still tell a joke. Even if I'm dying inside, I can still look so funny. I guess that's how my life would go. i just have to smile & be happy even if the world is slowly killing me.

threehundred'twenty.

It’s a cycle. You smile at me. You text me. You flirt with me. You make me fall for you in a matter of days. Then, you’re gone. You act like an ass to me. You won’t talk to me, answer my texts or even look me in the eye. So I give up. I move on. Or so I think, until that cycle happens all over again.

threehundred'nineteen.

You know you really care when you have to convince yourself that you don’t.

threehundred'eighteen.

you know that moment that comes when the last tear falls? the one when you realize that your worst fears have come to light and you're still breathing? never forget the moment you look into the mirror and into your red eyes and see that you aren't broken or weak or lost at all. you are thin skin over steel.

threehundred'seventeen.

yes, terrible things happen to you.
but sometimes those terrible things,
they save you.

threehundred'sixteen.

Stood there, watched you walk away from everything we had but I still mean every word I said to you. He will try to take away my pain, and he just might make me smile but the whole time I’m wishing he was you instead. Oh, holding my breath, won’t see you again. Something keeps me holding on to nothing.

threehundred'fifteen.

"People keep telling me that I fall in love too easily- that I should protect my heart, that I shouldn’t wear my heart on my sleeve…I fall in love at least 20 times a day. I fall in love with the sky and the sun and the flowers and my children. I fall in love with smiles, with music on the radio and with french fries and Dr. Pepper. I fall in love with the sound of laughter, blue jeans, accents… Sometimes I fall in love with complete strangers, especially the ones holding hands and kissing in public. The ones who aren’t afraid to be in love with the idea of being in love either….I don’t mind the pain of unrequited love so much, because I think they’re wrong. Love looks good on me."

-Natalie Anne Erlanson

threehundred'fourteen.

Sweet darlin'
This is my confession to
The crimes of wanting you badly
And darling, if you're wondering
Here's your answer;
Yes, I like you.
I don't love you
I can't love you...
...yet.

Darl’n- Between the Trees

threehundred'thirteen.

Face it girl, you could’ve had him. You missed your chance, you should've moved faster. He's sick of waiting, he's finally moved on. Sorry girl, your chance is gone.

threehundred'twelve.

I don't even remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere.

threehundred'eleven.

"There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons."
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

threehundred'ten.

I needed something to go right so badly that I convinced myself it was real. Even though I think, deep down, I knew it wasn't. I think I knew he was going to leave, I just didn't want to believe it.

threehundred'nine.

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me." FML

threehundred'eight.

'cause maybe, just maybe, our story isn't over...so i will continue to write my story until my pen touches yours, and we can write the rest together in perfect harmony.

^i took this photo(:

 

twohundred'fiftyfive.

"This beautiful city seems empty. All the people in the world and you can still feel lonely. What's the point of having it all without the person you love. Sometimes you just need to start again in order to fly." - Alicia Keys

twohundred'fiftyfour.

And i was thinking about you and the way you smile and the way it starts in your eyes and spreads across your face like a rush of ink. i was thinking about how when i see you or i hear your voice on the phone i think to myself, "oh goodie, now the fun begins." yeah, and i was thinking that when i'm with you, i'm not sad anymore.

twohundred'fiftythree.

My favorite was when he finally said 'i love you." when i told him "i love you too," i felt, even in the darkness, how happy he was to hear those words. he had the cutest smile on him and he said, "i can't believe you love me too."

twohundred'fiftytwo.

Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl, who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to... wait. Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family, that I do know how to make a photocopy. Didn't need your help that many times. And, uh, do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive stick? I've been driving stick since high school, so... For a really long time that's all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with, but I think even then I knew that... I was waiting for my wife.

-The Office

twohundred'fiftyone.

You know, people always ask if you’re okay, but they never really expect the truth. Because the reality of the matter is, if I was okay, you wouldn’t really have to wonder.

twohundred'fifty.

It's hard to rely on my good intentions, when my head is full of things I cannot mention.

twohundred'fortynine.

Seems everyone's already started while I don't know where to begin.

twohundred'fortyeight.

Shut up, wipe those tears from your eyes, print out a picture of him, and throw darts at it until there's a hole in your fucking bedroom wall. Look in the mirror and scream until you can’t breathe, blast your favorite song and laugh. I want you to find yourself again. Because the girl I knew six months ago before she met that asshole who changed her temporarily used to not give a shit about what people say. He fucking destroyed you, and nobody messes with my friends, give me his number; his life is about to be hell.

twohundred'fortyseven.

Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like its caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". Its saying "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel". I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And if you don't know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

twohundred'fortysix.

It’s like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on.You can’t breathe, you don’t want to eat, you can’t function.It’s the most intense pain that you’ll ever feel, and there’s no way to relieve it.Its unyielding, merciless torture, and you know it’s yours for life.

twohundred'fortyfive.

Appearances are trivial,
I hope you see the truth.
Cause, honey, you are beautiful,
I hope you find the proof.

twohundred'fortyfour.

You left a huge mark on me. One you'll never imagine. I cant even go to the movie theater without remembering all our memories we shared there together. I cant go to the park without thinking about the long days we spent just acting goofy together. I mean its gotten so bad that even when I walk onto my own porch, I still remember your face of how scared you looked when you first came over. We had some good times, and it hurts that you're letting them go. I know I wont, but I'll let you think I dont remember. I'll let you think that I dont know you think about them too. I know you do, I know when you see me, or the next time you come up on my block.. you'll remember, you'll smile and you wont realize it. But I'll never let you know I can tell you still feel it.

twohundred'fortythree.

It's crazy to think that an hour ago all things were great. But we stand, both proud, both wrong and right. Throwing cheap shots in this stubborn fight and our lives are so intertwined in one. And we're just so stuck in this moment it's clear that we're coming undone.

twohundred'fortytwo.

People are going to disappoint you, I get that; I kind of expect that, but I don’t know, what if you wake up one morning & realize that you’re the disappointment?

twohundred'fortyone.

Squeaky swings and tall grass, the longest shadows ever cast. The water's warm and children swim, and we frolicked about in our summer skin. I don't recall a single care, just greenery and humid air. Then labor day came and went, and we shed what was left of our summer skin. On the night you left, I came over, and we peeled the freckles from our shoulders. Our brand new coats so flushed and pale, and I knew your heart, I couldn't win, because the season's change was a conduit. And we'd left our love in our summer skin.

twohundred'forty.

F.E.A.R: Fuck, Everything, And, Run.

twohundred'thirtynine.

And I really don't care if I end up choking on these words in the future. Because right now, they taste so damn good.

twohundred'thirtyeight.

The grass is always greener, when it's fake.

twohundred'thirtyseven.

she was the girl who always carried a camera, trying to find beauty in a world so flawed.

twohundred'thirtysix.

i can't be with someone who has doubts,
no matter how small they are.
i need someone who wants to be with me as much as i want to be with them.
i don't want just part of your heart - i want all of it.

twohundred'thirtyfive.

i won't fight to stay when all you want for me to do is leave. i'm not gonna miss you when you don't miss me. i'm not gonna care when you don't at all. i'm just not going to try anymore. you've kept my hopes up for much too long. it's about time they come crashing back down to earth.

twohundred'thirtyfour.

Don’t you hate it when people make a joke about you, about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about and they don’t realize it, but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest, because it hurts so much and brings up memories you’d rather forget. But you can’t say anything, because then people would know your weaknesses. They’d know how insecure you really are. So instead you just laugh it off, and hide the pain you feel inside.

twohundred'five.

You can walk into a room wearing a t-shirt and jeans, no make-up, yet be the most attractive girl… for at the end of the day, the world will look up to you not because you look like the next top model, but because you are a thinking woman with opinion… fashion sense helps, but brains will always be more deadly than a pair of stilettos.

twohundred'four.

I'll tell you what the end of the world will be like. It will be a final moment; both terrible & heartbreaking. Absolute chaos. People running as fast as they ever have, cars filling every road & freeway, phone lines backed up trying to process millions of calls, fingers flying over keyboards, thumbs texting like rapid fire, long lines of people trying to cram themselves into subways & airplanes. All of them trying to tell someone else, "i love you". It's not the end of the world yet. but don't wait until then to tell her. The worst thing isn't the end of the world. It's what you didn't finish; what you didn't say when you had the chance.

twohundred'three.

A broken heart is when you actually
refuse to get out of bed in the morning because
you're afraid of the reality that awaits you.

twohundred'two.

and today I can't stop smiling
all the hope is making my face ache.

twohundred'one.

And sometimes, it hits me out of nowhere. All of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushed over me and I get discouraged and I get upset and i feel hopeless, sad and hurt. Real hurt.

twohundred.

Being beautiful is more than how many boys you can get to look at you, or how much makeup you can wear. It's about what you live for. It's about what defines you. It's about the heart that you have and what makes you special. It's about those little quirks that make you, you. It's about knowing that you are a creation of God, created in His image. It's about shining for Him, no matter what else is going on around you. It's about going against the flow, and living out what you honestly think. And that is a beautiful thing.

hundred'ninetynine.

Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny. But the air is full of bullshit.

hundred'ninetyeight.

You can’t blame me for trying. I’ve gone through seasons waiting for you with nothing changing but the weather, and I want to say that I’m ok being alone and I want to show you I’m okay being alone, but even if I said it, I wouldn’t mean it. to be quite honest, the only thing getting me through these days is the false hope that things are going to be okay, that they’re going to get better, but without you, I’m never okay.

hundred'ninetyseven.

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

hundred'ninetysix.

I love staring at people sitting at a stop light. Even though it may seem rude, you can learn a lot about people within that 10 second range that you are with them. They're confidence, or lack of it, shines through at that very moment they realize you're looking at them; for they can either look away or they can stare right back at you & hold that gaze until the light changes green.

hundred'ninetyfive.

Every girl should have one love she can imagine going back to, and one who reminds her how far she has come. Every girl should have a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it to her grandkids. Every girl should know when to try harder, and when to walk away.

hundred'ninetyfour.

Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? And didn't you wish that you could go back in time when everything was simpler and carefree? Those are the songs that are the soundtracks of our lives. The ones that bring back our childhood, best friends, first love, first broken heart and all the memories.

hundred'ninetythree.

When you're at that point, when you feel it's all pointless... It's not. The trick is to just keep doing it, that's how you succeed in the end. It's the secret to life, do anything often enough, and for long enough, and you get good at it. So keep on. Keep writing. Keep painting. Keep singing. Keep dancing. Keep fighting. Keep. On.

hundred'ninetytwo.

Because I broke down today, and I'm not sure I got myself back together. Memories from two years ago, coupled with the rainy weather. Bet myself it would be the last time I cried about it at all, bet myself I wouldn't take another fall. Well, I lost the bet, and now I'm down another heart. Lately, I've been wondering if it's all because I miss you. I don't think I can handle missing you.

hundred'ninetyone.

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

hundred'ninety.

Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

hundred'eightynine.

Do you ever sit and think, what if? What if you never said the first hello? What is our paths never crossed? What if you kept your mouth shut and just let things pass, or what if you would have said just one more thing? What if you had five more minutes? What if you could turn back time or make it all just stand still? What if you could say I love you one more time or never had said it at all? Where would your life be?

hundred'eightyeight.

You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry.
 So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?

hundred'eightyseven.

Because sometimes it’s easier to say, “I hate you,” than “I miss you, I wish we didn’t fight; I wish you would call me sometimes.” Because sometimes, it’s easier to think, screw life, screw work, screw everything, than admit that you’re overwhelmed and feel like you’re drowning. Because sometimes, it’s easier to admit the simple things than say the hard things and realize how much you’ve been struggling and how much you feel as if life has gone out of your control.

hundred'eightysix.

Nowadays people know the price of
everything and the value of nothing.
-- Oscar Wilde --

hundred'eightyfive.

And pretty much, she was done trying to be good enough for them, whoever they were, and she was especially done trying to be good enough for him, because god knows that was an impossible feat. Plain and simply, she just wanted to be good enough for herself.

hundred'eightyfour.

When I see you, it stings like hell due to the fact that we have something that will never happen.
- Attention by The Academy Is...

hundred'eightythree.

I miss that feeling when you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning. Its the feeling that everything is all right in the world. You know that amazing feeling that you're a whole, that you've got everything you want, that you aren't missing anything. Sometimes when I wake up I get it for just a moment... It lasts for a few seconds but then I remember what happened, how nothing has been the same since.

hundred'eightytwo.

Show me the key to unlock the door
Take me to a place I've never seen before.
What i want is a very simple task,
Bring me a special person, that's all i ask.

hundred'eightyone.

We are foot to foot in the ring, bruised and bloodied, guards up and winded.
We have not heard a bell and we haven't stopped to listen,
and after all the blows we've thrown, I don't even know who's winning.
All the doors have been opened and closed just as fast.

hundred'eighty.

Remember when we were so gracious and enlightened, turning the other cheek?
Oh pointless diplomacy. Trading punches with our knuckles bleeding,
we lost the gloves long ago, we are far past apologies.
Stuck on the canvas with only our own reasons,
Our eyes are too swollen to see anything differently

hundred'seventynine.

And I am still the worst company that I have ever kept.
I just didn't want you to witness my weakness as I wept.
And I still define myself by the places that I've been.
It just seems to me I'm not doing anything new, I'm just not doing what I used to.

hundred'seventyeight.

It’s getting so hard to be around you. Because every time I see you, I see a stranger. You’ve changed, and I just miss the person you used to be. The one that cared, the one that wouldn’t ever hurt me, not if they could help it. But now, now all you care about is yourself. Maybe you never did care in the first place, I’m not sure. All I know is the person I loved so much is no longer there. Nothing is left of you. Everything’s changed, and I miss the person you used to be.

hundred'seventyseven.

I loved you. And here's a news flash; you protected me from nothing. I spent time missing you, wondering what the hell I did wrong to make you do that to me. I thought everything was my fault. And even when I got over that, I still knew what I’d lost: you. You were the one who made me laugh when I had a crappy day. You were the one I vented to when I was mad, the one I shared all the good stuff with. You always knew when I was full of crap, and you always called me on it. You were smart, you were funny, and you were good-looking. You were mine. And then suddenly, you weren't. I knew every day exactly what I’d lost, and I missed you every day, and I believed in you every day, and my heart broke every day. That’s the big favor you did for me. Thanks so much. Here’s the kicker - you weren't even protecting me. You were protecting yourself. If you'd give half a thought to me, you would have said goodbye.

hundred'seventysix.

He told me he's never gone a moment without thinking about me.
 I asked if that applied to when he had his tongue in her mouth.

hundred'seventyfive.

Grief? I'll tell you about grief and a pain so bad, you think you will die from it. So horrible, you didn't imagine it could exist. Pain that hurts without any visible wound. But it lashes you to bed, it won't let you move. It reduces your imagination to an endless series of replaying images.

hundred'seventyfour.

You have to get fucked up to feel sober. Cry to see clear. And fall 100 times to learn how to pick yourself up.

hundred'seventythree.

The past is always going to be deep inside our souls. You can’t run from it. You can’t hide from it. You just have to accept it. You just have to accept the good and the bad and remember that you can’t bring it back, but when you’re having one of those days, you can sit back and reminisce on the times you had and the feelings they brought.

hundred'seventytwo.

You can't spend your whole life worrying about what others may think of you. Cause as long as you can look at yourself and laugh, you can face anything.

hundred'seventyone.

Got this feeling that today doesn't like me.
Or the air tastes like flowers and paint.
There's a sink full of bottles and cutlery.
And the car has got a list of complaints.

hundred'seventy.

In that moment, I felt my heart break. And I thought, “I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you,” and then it slowly crept into my mind that no matter how bad I wanted or needed you, it wouldn’t matter.

hundred'sixtynine.

I guess love’s what you wanted,
Because you act as if it’s cheap.
You give and give and still they take
Until there’s nothing left to keep.

hundred'fiftyfive.

So, maybe he wants her, and maybe he doesn't. But she'll never know if she never tries, so she's going out on a limb, and she's praying for the best, but prepared for the worst. This is one blow her heart can take.

hundred'fiftyfour.

I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why.

hundred'fiftythree.

"I like to think my brother is having a college experience like they do in the movies. I don't mean the big fraternity party kind of movie. Morel like the movie where the guy meets a smart girl who wears a lot of sweaters and drinks cocoa. They talk about books and issues and kiss in the rain. I think something like that would be very good for him, especially if the girl were unconventionally beautiful. They are the best kind of girls I think. I personally find "super models" strange. I don't know why this is."
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

hundred'fiftytwo.

You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain. Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

hundred'fiftyone.

Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think, a lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from "what am I doing with my life?" to "did I have homework?" The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up thing I would rather never think about again. The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.

hundred'fifty.

Let this night remind us to celebrate love, whenever it comes, in whatever form it appears, however enduring or fleeting it may be. For whether we search for love or are surprised by it, it always transforms us in ways we never expect.

hundred'fortynine.

I met an old mistake walking down the street today. I didn't wanna be mean about it. I couldn't think of one good thing to say.

hundred'fortyeight.

Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that.

hundred'fortyseven.

You began to cry, just crying. the deep and ugly kind, the kind you lose yourself in. though you're thanking God that no one has to see how rubbed and blotched your face becomes. though, some detached part of you also wishes there was someone there to see you now, to see and understand just how sad you are at heart. they don't see it and of course, you would never show them.

hundred'fortysix.

And I cannot stop thinking about you
I cannot stop wondering
If you’re constantly thinking about me
Don't close your eyes dear, I'm still staring
I won't lie dear, I'm still breathing
Even though your beauty is breathtaking

Darl’n- Between The Trees

hundred'fortyfive.

I want to know what color of paint is on your bedroom walls. I want to know whether you cross your legs when you watch your favourite show. I want to know what your fingers would feel like in mine. I want to know what your hair looks like when you wake up in the morning. I want to know what books made you cry. I want to know your favourite architect. I want to know how hard you can hug. But most of all I want to know if you want to know the same things about me.

hundred'fortyfour.

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you. How good you look when you smile. How much I love your laugh. I daydream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversations; laughing at funny things that you said or did. I've memorised your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one things for sure; you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

hundred'fortythree.

Just when you least expect it, you start to think about how he makes you laugh and how you feel when you’re around him and then, you realize you care about him more than you thought you did.

hundred'fortytwo.

How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.

hundred'fortyone.

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

hundred'forty.

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to be able to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart; that's true strength.

hundred'thirtynine.

It was the kind of kiss that made
me know that I was never so happy in my whole life.

hundred'thirtyeight.

You can’t blame me for trying. I’ve gone through seasons waiting for you with nothing changing but the weather, and I want to say that I’m ok being alone and I want to show you I’m okay being alone, but even if I said it, I wouldn’t mean it. to be quite honest, the only thing getting me through these days is the false hope that things are going to be okay, that they’re going to get better, but without you, I’m never okay.

hundred'thirtyseven.

If you wait to do everything until it's just right, you'll probably never do much of anything.

hundred'thirtysix.

Today is enough. You don't need forever and always. You don't need promises of days that never come. Today is enough, you don't need the words that cannot possibly be true. Nothing is forever. Nothing lasts for always. Today should always be enough.

hundred'thirtyfive.

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it’s this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state’s of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don’t recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it’s been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

hundred'eighteen.

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."
— Nicole Krauss (The History of Love)

hundred'seventeen.

"What about you? Are you happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?" "Of course I am." "Why?" "Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you."

hundred'sixteen.

I just thought to myself, all of a sudden, that we had something in common. A natural chemistry, if you will. And I had a feeling that something big was going to happen. To both of us. That we were, in fact, meant to be together.

hundred'fifteen.

I want to say somewhere: I've tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in.

hundred'fourteen.

That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.

hundred'thirteen.

It's just that...I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.

hundred'twelve.

Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in your or the world, that one song says the same, just like that moment.

hundred'eleven.

Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.

hundred'ten.

What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn't even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both.

hundred'nine.

You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It's not overrated. There's a reason for all those songs.

hundred'eight.

I was wondering what he would say, what word could sum me up right then, when i saw the lights come across his face, blaringly yellow, and suddenly he was brighter, and brighter, and i asked him what was happening, what was wrong. I remember only that light, so strong it spilled across my shoulders, and lit up his face, and how scared he looked as something big and loud hit my door, sending glass shattering across me, little sparks catching the light like diamonds, as they fell, with me, into the dark.

hundred'seven.

"One day she marched around the side of the house and confronted me. "I've seen you out there every day for the past week, and everyone knows you stare at me all day in school, if you have something you want to say to me why don't you just say it to my face instead of sneaking around like a crook?" I considered my options. Either I could run away and never go back to school again, maybe even leave the country as a stowaway on a ship bound for Australia. Or I could risk everything and confess to her. The answer was obvious: I was going to Australia. I opened my mouth to say goodbye forever. And yet. What I said was: I want to know if you'll marry me."
— Nicole Krauss (The History of Love)

hundred'six.

He died in a tree from which he wouldn't come down. "Come down!" they cried to him. "Come down! Come down!" Silence filled the night, and the night filled the silence, while they waited for Kafka to speak. "I can't," he finally said, with a note of wistfulness. "Why?" they cried. Stars spilled across the black sky. "Because then you'll stop asking for me."

hundred'five.

I try to make a point of being seen. Sometimes when I'm out, I'll buy a juice even when I'm not thirsty. If the store is crowded I'll even go so far as dropping change all over the floor, nickels and dimes skidding in every direction. All I want is not to die on a day I went unseen.

hundred'four.

I don't believe in failure, because simply by saying you've failed, you've admitted you attempted. And anyone who attempts is not a failure. Those who truly fail in my eyes are the ones who never try at all. The ones who sit on the couch and whine and moan and wait for the world to change for them.

hundred'three.

if you love someone more than anything,
then distance only matters to the mind, not to the heart.

hundred'two.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

hundred'one.

I've come to realize that one of the best feelings in life is waking up and realizing that you've let go of that one thing that has been burdening you.

hundred.

I love when you realize that some things don’t faze you anymore, when there’s no longer a sting or a twinge or a sick feeling in your stomach when you hear a certain song on the radio or when you can actually enjoy a movie you once loved or visit a place that you used to avoid to a point that you’ve forgotten about it and now can rediscover why it was so beautiful in the first place without your heart reliving the memories that will always be attached to them. I love that because that just proves that you can move on or that you have moved on, and that you will be able to do it again.

ninetynine.

You make yourself strong cause it's expected of you. You become confident cause someone beside you is unsure. You turn into the person others need you to be.

ninetyeight.

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.
- Clark Moustakas  

ninetyseven.

People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours.

ninetysix.

"Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. If anything, it makes you weaker because you’re doing it out of fear."
- Sarah Dessen

ninetyfive.

I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?

ninetyfour.

Don't expect to be my WHOLE life, only part of it. I absolutely cannot deal with clingy men, and it makes me run for the hills when they expect me to be with them every day. I seriously beg the question, "where did your sense of independence go?!"

seventyfive.

The cup is not half empty as pessimists say. As far as he sees, nothing's left in the cup. A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge, since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up. 

seventyfour.

"What if, some day or night, a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'this life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more.' ... would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke this? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.'"

seventythree.

Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or
unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything
else.

seventytwo.

I'm too stressed. And it's the worst kind of stress. It’s the deep down stress that doesn't show
until you're in the middle of math class and suddenly you're about to cry.

seventyone.

I asked you what its like to love, break and die
all in the same breath...
You said; it's like walking with silence in December,
while a million hearts explode in your chest,
but you don't care enough to feel it.
( The Perks of Being a Wallflower. )

seventy.

It's tough being a dreamer sometimes. I feel like a little child with perverted ideas and acid trip notions; always. It's great, it's horrible, it's dreadful. It's fantastic.

sixtynine.

everythings a little darker and a lot more unsatisfactory now. its
harder to get up in the morning; its harder to concentrate.
it is simply harder to function.

sixtyeight.

And I don't have no fun at all, it seems that everyone is here but me and now I'll fall asleep. Don't wake me up, I'll escort myself out. Don't get up. Stumble towards the door and slam it shut.

sixtyseven.

Ignorance is venomous and it murders the soul,
spreading like a virus running rampant, out of control.

sixtysix.

The problem with coming clean was that you thought you were clearing the slate, starting over, but it never quite worked that way. You didn’t erase what you’d done. As Laura knew now, the stain would still be there, every time he looked at you, before he remembered to hide the disappointment in his eyes.

-The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult

sixtyfive.

And the night was comfortably warm as the soft filtered light continued to push the darkness into the shadows as they held each other and kissed and pushed each other's darkness into the corner, believing in each other's light, each other's dream.

sixtyfour.

When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions

of people who accept you for what you are.

All you notice is the person who doesn’t.

-Jodi Picoult; Change of Heart

sixtythree.

Sometimes you just feel empty, lonely, insignificant. And it doesn’t matter what you do, no it doesn’t matter how many laps you run, musicals you join, classes you skip or how many pairs of shoes you buy - you still feel like crap. Sometimes i just feel like taking off, selling everything i own and running away to somewhere so distant, running away into the unknown.

sixtytwo.

Mirror Mirror on the wall
Did my heart survive the fall?
Will it mend as time goes by?
Or will i face my fate and die?

sixtyone.

You had the key to my heart. But baby, I changed the locks.

fortyfive.

"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting."

fortyfour.

you consume me. you are the reason for my smile and the reason why i am so happy. the reason why i keep going and the reason why i now know what it is to be in love.

fortythree.

So in the end, you're the immature one, not me. You were the one that chose to use pathetic excuses to try and deceive everyone. Too bad your scam was see through, too bad you chose the one ladder that will always make you fall

fortytwo.

for those who believe, there is no explanation needed. for those who don't believe, no explanation is ever good enough.

fortyone.

i dont even specifically like you. i dont like anybody. i don't even miss you. i just like the feeling of having somebody around that i can kiss whenever i want

forty.

I tried so hard. You know that, right?  I tried harder than you could ever imagine, and now here I am, trying my best just to forget everything. Every piece of you, the way you smell, the feel of your skin. Too bad it was always so soft. I can still feel you. I think I always will.

thirtynine.
give me one more drink and i swear i'll be ready to make the same mistakes with you again.

thirtyeight.

conceited people never get anywhere because they think they are already there.

thirtyseven.

I don't do crowds, I'd like to have company during thunderstorms, I'd like you to fall for me but it would soon turn lousy and wrong, I meant what I said, I don't want money, I just want to be wonderful.

thirtysix.

she has a bigger, better heart than any other girl you've ever known. she's had a front row seat to the mess that is your life and still sticks around, and genuinely likes you. she sees something worthwhile in you, something that makes her hang on. even though you've given her nothing, she's still here. but someday she won't be, so give her a reason to stay.

thirtyfive.

lets slowdance and be the couple everyone wishes they could be. lets walk in the rain and hold hands the whole time. Lets look at the stars and kiss all night. Lets take it slow then speed it up. Lets take stupid pictures and laugh till we cant breathe. Lets be friends. Lets be lovers. Lets be together. Just you and me.

thirtyfour.

men hate to cry, they rarely ever do. but when a man cries over you, you know he loves you. because men only cry when they have lost something or afraid of losing something that they love as much or more than themselves.

thirtythree.

 So why don't you actually open up your heart instead of just your eyes and take a look at me, then tell me that you love me.

thirtytwo.

what the hell do i do this for? you're just another guy. okay, you're kind of sexy. but you're not really special.

thirtyone.

I wanted to kiss him, but of course, I didn't. I wondered why I resisted, when in the past, I always followed my impulses without much thought of consequences. maybe because it didn't feel like a game with him. the way it had with so many before. maybe because I had more to lose. blurring the line between friendship and attraction was a sure fire way to lose a friend.